Since I’ve been resting for the past 30 days, not pushing and pushing, it’s been easier to take all of the bumps, the ups, and downs, the setbacks. But I still feel overwhelmed and fearful.
It’s been a struggle for months now, and the pressure is getting worse, not better. I feel the agitation, the fear, panic, and depression growing as my circumstances don’t change as quickly as I want.
My first novel underwent A LOT of changes before the final proof for publishing. (STORY HERE) When I first wrote Restoring Grace – it was over 115,000 WORDS! I did a lot of axing to get it to where it is today. One of the scenes that I cut was from chapter one. Viviane, Daphne, and Erica were waiting to get a table in the Chinese restaurant.
I was dealing with my own anger at my childhood and used a lesson God taught me for Erica. As a child psychologist, she explains about her day and how a stress ball changed the way she viewed anger.
I could tell you exactly where I was standing in my midtown apartment at Gables. In the living room facing my bedroom door, I stood there with tears streaming down my face. I was at the first place I had ever felt safe and at home. Only, I was leaving to move back to Cartersville. I was furious.
I stood in there with my fist raised, very Scarlet O’Hara, and yelled at God that I didn’t want to go back to Cartersville, to let me stay in MY home, my beautiful apartment that my mother and I had painstakingly decorated ourselves.
