Have you ever felt like David, going from Cave to Cave instead of Faith to Faith? I felt this vividly for the last few weeks. In a low point of despair and lost hope, I realized, I’ve been going cave to cave for years, not just weeks.
It seems I’m always back at the low point, looking at my circumstances, wondering when God is going to fulfill his promises.
When is God going to take me out of this cave and put me in the King’s palace so to speak?
NOT YET.
I’m still waiting.
This isn’t a post of God fulfilling his promise, of me rising from the ashes of despair and loneliness to see God’s hand answering the prayers I’ve been waiting on for years.
Nor is it a tale of triumph and resolve.
This isn’t even a tale faith, not really because I’m still struggling.
BUT THAT’S OKAY.
I’ve been led to read the Psalms. Specifically, the ones David wrote stuck in caves hiding from Saul and his enemies. (Even at one time, his own son, who wished to kill him. And I think I have problems.)
These Psalms have comforted me because David was real with God. Asking why, wondering, doubting.
I come to you, Lord, for protection. Don’t let me be ashamed. Do as you have promised and rescue me. Listen to my prayer and hurry to save me. Be my mighty rock and the fortress where I am safe. Psalm 31: 1-2
Imagine your anointed King and then waiting YEARS to go to the palace and take the throne?
Can you imagine being HUNTED and tormented by the current King who wants you dead, because he’s no longer favored by God because you’re now the chosen one, but NO ONE’S ACTING LIKE IT? You’re going from cave to cave, hunted by the very people you’re supposed to rule as king over.
David is a man after God’s own heart. As I read Psalm after Psalm with David pleading with God to take action, I have to wonder what God would say about me.
I’m not always praising God like I should, or studying the Word the way I want. Life gets in the way…
And Doubt, and Fear, and Worry.
But I trust you, Lord, and I claim you as my God. My life is in your hands. Save me from my enemies who hunt me down. Smile on me, your servant. Have pity and rescue me. Psalm 31: 14-16
At the end of all of this, will God say to me, well done, my good and faithful servant? Will I be able to say I’ve walked the path God wanted me on?
Even scarier, will I be able to say that if the promises I felt I’ve been given don’t happen?
But then I read Psalm 142: 1-3a
I pray to you, Lord.
I beg for mercy.
I tell you all my worries
and my troubles,
and whenever I feel low,
you are there to guide me.
I’m not waiting to be crowned King of a nation or hiding from men who desire to kill me. I do understand some of David’s struggles. It comforts me he wasn’t perfect, he made mistakes, BIG ones, but he was still called a man after God’s own heart.
I want to be called a faithful woman of God, loved by God.
Dear God,
I’m struggling right now. I believe in your promises to me, but struggle with how long I’ve been waiting for those promises. I go cave to cave and want to go from faith to faith instead. But I’m starting to wonder are they so different?
Please help me to hold on when all I want to do is let go. I feel weak and inadequate. My feelings overwhelm me. I’m struggling to remember and hold onto the promises of God.
Help me to see you, help me to remember your blessings and not my failures.
I want to leave the caves, and I want to go into the promises you have for me, to embrace the goodness of the Lord.
I’m tired of waiting.
But I trust you. I don’t understand, but I trust you. I struggle, but I trust you.
Thank you for protecting me, for keeping me safe, even from my own hand.
Thank you for being a God who cares, who loves me, and who wants what is best for me.
Don’t forget me. Don’t forget your promises, but also don’t forget my love for you. My love – small, weak, and often misplaced, but it’s there and it’s real.
Thank you for another day to follow you, another moment to praise your name, another sunrise, and sunset, even if I’m looking at them from inside a cave. Amen.
Until next time, may God’s grace surround you,
