It’s been a struggle for months now, and the pressure is getting worse, not better. I feel the agitation, the fear, panic, and depression growing as my circumstances don’t change as quickly as I want.
I hoped the 30 days of rest meant things would resolve themselves, but they haven’t.
Years ago, I would have become angry, mad, and walked away from my faith, But God,
He has sent me words of encouragement through songs and books.
I’ve been waking up with worship songs in my head.
I’m repeating ‘God is good. God is good to me. God is good at being God. I trust God.’* OVER AND OVER.
*A section from Lysa TerKeurst, Uninvited which I’m working through in bits and pieces.
Even with my heart hurting, full of doubt and fear, even with God near, I snuck up to the art room at my work and did a little drawing the other day.
Rocks, boulders, stones, pebbles… Seems like a simple sketch, doesn’t it?
But what about now?
It’s a little more powerful, don’t you think?
*I see you shaking your head not completely understanding how amazing the second picture is…
That’s okay, I’ll explain it to you.
These are the boulders, rocks, pebbles, PROBLEMS, issues, defeats the world gave me to deal with BUT GOD dealt with them.
When my 30 days of rest ended last weekend, as I struggled to get back into the groove of things, I knew I had to keep focused on what God has done, not what He hasn’t.
As I drew those rocks with small pencil strokes, I listened to praise and worship music while I shaded and smudged.
It calmed and let me remember…
How He healed me from fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, a torn rotator cuff, need for eyeglasses, broken wrist, IBS, etc.
He put me in the most lovely, perfect home which was a brand-new build, no other owner. It even had room for a library and my grandmother’s large dining table. It was also big enough for my mother to move in with me, and my sister and her pup to move in temporarily.
Then there was the answered prayer of my job at Shaw two years after I graduated college. It was perfect, fun, and just fit for me at the time. When it became difficult at work, I discovered He was just preparing me to move out of my comfort zone into a new aspect of my career which I’ve grown to love just as much, if not more.
Graduating Agnes Scott College when my doctors told me I couldn’t because of my health.
Surviving mono with fibromyalgia (Stuck in bed for over a year).
Attending Excel Christian Academy which was small enough to make an impact on my education and extra-curricular activities.
Getting into the interior design/architecture program at Georgia State University, even though the head of the department was sure I was too sick to complete the program.
Completing said program at Georgia State with my second B.A. degree.
Meeting Elaina and Denise at Kardia, they have become wonderful friends.
Bandit, my doxie, sent to me, the perfect little man for my lifestyle and a great companion for my mom while I work.
Protection in several car accidents, and from my father.
Having my dad leave us when he did and the timing of the divorce.
The Gray Camry I bought that was originally gold.
My Little Pruis
… So many little testimonies and stories which I couldn’t fit all in one post.
Each one of these “rocks” represents a triumph, a grace, a reminder of God’s love for me. Each is a promise of His protection, love, and faithfulness.
Did you notice I didn’t fill up all the stones or even all of the page?
That’s because God isn’t finished with me yet.
Isn’t that wonderful?
None of my current circumstances have changed. No problems solved, no insights, or words from above with answers…
But, I’m different, because I know who I am and where I’m headed. The in-between is just me waiting for God to show me my next step, my next turn. When I become afraid, scared, or even panicked, I remember these stones, each representing something I thought was impossible but God took care of for me.
Because He loves me!
Luke 19:40 “I tell you, if these people keep silent, the stones will cry out in praise!”
Do you have some stones you need to remember?
Some testimonial rocks you need to thank God for?
Are you struggling to see His hand in your present circumstances?
I encourage you to download the PDF of the blank stones sheet for you to write your own fulfilled promises on. DOWNLOAD HERE
Put it somewhere you can see it and know God’s got your other problems, too!
Until next time, may God’s grace surround you,