I could tell you exactly where I was standing in my midtown apartment at Gables. In the living room facing my bedroom door, I stood there with tears streaming down my face. I was at the first place I had ever felt safe and at home. Only, I was leaving to move back to Cartersville. I was furious.
I stood in there with my fist raised, very Scarlet O’Hara, and yelled at God that I didn’t want to go back to Cartersville, to let me stay in MY home, my beautiful apartment that my mother and I had painstakingly decorated ourselves.
But God said NO.
I knew I had to leave, I had no choice. Having graduated with my degree in interior design in May 2011, and now October, there was still no job. I had to move home, there was no money. How I cried and yelled. I was hurt and scared to be moving back, angry to be forced to leave.
I stood in the apartment, staring at the barren walls and told God, I’m going back to Cartersville under protest, but I want another “gables.” A place that’s home, decorated the way I want, with my things, where I can feel safe.
I left, moved next door to my mother, living with my grandmother after her main caretaker, my mom’s twin sister, passed away that April. It was some of the hardest years of my life.
Out of work for two years after graduation, my mother supported six people on her retirement check. I applied for every job available, retail, Wal-mart… nothing. Constantly, I was told I had too much education.
Instead, I volunteered, took care of my Grandmother, grocery shopped with my mom, and tried to keep as busy as possible. It was hard. I was thirty and couldn’t buy gum, let alone pay rent. It was a humbling time, and it was a time that I turned away from God.
We stopped speaking and by April of 2012, I had quit going to church and turned my back on God.
I was angry to have been forced to move home.
Angry I couldn’t bring in a paycheck that was desperately needed.
Angry that I had a degree I couldn’t use.
I became suicidal and had to give my mother all of my meds to make sure I didn’t do something I’d regret.
Through it all, God never left me. He never forgot me or my needs. He saw our family through some very difficult deaths and financial times. I watched my mother struggle, but hold onto God’s promise to take care of us. I saw her go to counseling and learn to say no, and take care of herself, not just everyone else’s needs. Watching her blossom, I saw God in a new way.
After a few months, God brought me back to Him. I wrote the first Grace novel, Restoring Grace in May. In the Beginning… Blog Post I was able to help my mother through the death of my grandmother and dealing with her estate. I started a wonderful devotional with a group of ladies that really changed my outlook on life.
In August of 2013, I was hired to be a senior designer for a local carpet company. It became a life changing event. In three short years, I would buy a house, and move into a brand new home. I painted each wall in bright colors (with my mother’s help), and selected the furniture with care, decorating every part just the way I wanted.
It took some time, much longer than I would have liked, but I’m in my “gables” home. Looking back, I can see God’s hand working and putting the pieces in place that put me where I am today. When I post this to my website, it will be in my beautiful office, and I can look up to see my own library across the hall. I can hear my mother laughing at my puppy in the living room.
Life is good, God is good. His timing is perfect.
I forget that sometimes. Even after all He’s done for me. I used to think the Israelites were crazy to have forgotten who their God was. How could the same people who saw all of the miracles God’s already perform, doubt His word about the Promised Land… but then God reminds me, “What about you, my child? Look at ALL I’ve done for you AND YOU STILL doubt.”
It’s humbling and awesome all at the same time. I still have things I’m waiting on God for- big things, but when it gets hard to wait. I try to remember where I’m at now. My home, my version of the Red Sea, and wait on God’s timing.
Do you have something you’re waiting for? Something big? Remember that OUR GOD keeps His promises. He doesn’t leave us and while we can’t see it, He’s working for our good.
Keep trusting. Don’t give up.
Until next time, may God’s grace surround you,